The song "Habits Of My Heart" by Jaymes Young (Sufjan Stevens Remix) explores the internal struggle of wanting to be alone and independent, but also craving the connection and intimacy with someone else. The lyrics convey the emotional turmoil and conflict the narrator experiences, torn between their desire for solitude and the pull of a toxic relationship. The song begins in a dark, cold room where the narrator feels numb and disconnected. They acknowledge that they have lost themselves in the physicality of a sexual encounter with someone. The line, "Your medicine is in my head," suggests that this person has a strong hold on them, possibly becoming addictive in their life. Despite their inclination to be alone, the person still reaches out to the narrator, making it difficult for them to resist their advances. As the song progresses, the narrator reflects on their own self-worth and asserts that they would rather be alone. However, they acknowledge that their desire for this person is deeply ingrained within them, as they are "fermented in [their] bones." This implies that the longing for the connection is not easily shaken off. The chorus repeats the line "Oh, the habits of my heart," emphasizing that this internal struggle to say no and let go is a recurring pattern. It tears them apart emotionally, making it hard to resist the person who gets too close to their heart. The lyrics "You make it hard to let you go" highlights the power this person has over the narrator, complicating their ability to break free from the toxic cycle. Overall, "Habits Of My Heart" delves into the conflicting emotions within a person torn between their longing for independence and their need for connection. It illustrates the struggle of letting go of someone when the desire for them is deeply ingrained, resulting in a battle between the heart and the mind.
