The song "Not Even Myself" by Horse Head explores themes of self-doubt, heartbreak, and the struggle to trust both oneself and others. The lyrics portray a sense of loneliness and despair, with the protagonist unable to find happiness or a reason to smile. The line "When the time comes to make a choice, I can not hear the options, it's hard to hear them over the sound of your own voice" suggests a feeling of being overwhelmed by one's inner turmoil and insecurities, making it difficult to make decisions. The chorus expresses a deep cynicism towards love and a lack of trust in anyone, even themselves. The lyrics "So cross my heart and slit my wrists, I don't think that love exists" convey a feeling of hopelessness and a belief that love is unattainable or even nonexistent. The mention of blackening eyes and being told lies further emphasizes the lack of trust and the inability to believe or rely on anyone or anything. The lyrics also touch on the pain of missing someone and the fear of losing them entirely. The lines "Not a day goes by where I don't miss you, I just hate myself, I'd never diss you" portray a longing for someone who is no longer present and a deep regret for any past actions that might have contributed to their absence. The fear of losing this person is likened to losing a part of oneself, emphasizing the deep emotional connection and dependency that was once present. Overall, "Not Even Myself" delves into themes of emotional turmoil, self-doubt, and a lack of trust in oneself and others. The song reflects the struggle to find happiness, the pain of lost relationships, and the difficulty in rebuilding trust and finding solace within oneself.
