"Pesticides" by Jazmin Bean is a song that explores themes of decay, loneliness, and the human desire to be seen and understood. The lyrics are metaphorical and convey a sense of physical and emotional deterioration. The song begins with the narrator describing their bones getting thinner, symbolizing their weakening state or perhaps anorexia. They feel as though they are depleting their happiness, represented by "running my smile into the ground." The reference to decaying like an apple and going brown suggests the feeling of aging or losing vitality. Feeling cold and distant, the narrator expresses their uncertainty about the whereabouts of someone important in their life. They fear being consumed by negativity and despair, as depicted by the imagery of birds and worms eating them up in their final form. The chorus emphasizes the narrator's growth and transformation. Despite their struggles, they acknowledge that they have done everything they could to provide for someone else, represented by giving them food. However, their body is decaying, filled with pests, reflecting the toll these efforts have taken on their own well-being. The line "And I'm ripped from my toes up to my skull, and I don't see you anymore" suggests a sense of loss and physical pain. The reference to A&E (Accident and Emergency) and needing oxygen reflects a desperation for help and support. The narrator contemplates the irony of only valuing something when it is lost and finds themselves begging and praying for it. The song then transitions to a moment of anger and frustration. The narrator proclaims their disbelief and the feeling of being teased by the world. The gasp suggests a moment of pain or shock, perhaps indicating a self-destructive act. The repeated refrain "I would've gone an extra mile for you, the extra fucking mile!" expresses the narrator's disappointment and resentment towards the person they have been trying to please. They feel as though they have gone above and beyond, only to be unappreciated. The song concludes with a plea for understanding and gratitude. The narrator acknowledges their limitations and the state of their decaying body. They find it difficult to breathe, symbolizing a struggle to survive mentally and physically. By saying "Please help me to explain," they are asking for help to express their feelings and find solace. Overall, "Pesticides" is a deeply emotional and introspective song, delving into themes of loneliness, decay, and the complex dynamics of relationships. It portrays the struggles of a person who feels invisible and unappreciated, yearning for understanding and the strength to carry on.
