The song "If You Ever" by Gilbert O'Sullivan is a light-hearted and witty commentary on various aspects of life. The lyrics express the singer's observations and opinions on different situations and societal norms. In the first verse, the singer talks about his experience with teachers at school and states that a teacher's pet is not the same as a regular student. He humorously refers to his old teacher as a belt, implying that punishment was utilized for mistakes made in school. Moving on, the second verse takes a lighthearted look at being at sea and receiving warnings about drinking, implying that excessive drinking could lead to disaster. The singer advises having a happy holiday and returning with a tan from a distant land, suggesting that traveling and enjoying life is important. The chorus of the song emphasizes the humorous and unpredictable nature of the world. The singer implies that nothing is permanent, everything is temporary, and laughter helps us stay lucky and optimistic. In the third verse, the singer suggests that if someone feels the need to plant a seed (symbolizing taking action or making a change), go ahead and do it. He then playfully suggests that in return, buying everyone a drink would be a suitable gesture of gratitude. Overall, the song's message is that life can be funny and uncertain, and it's important to find humor in our experiences. It encourages taking action, enjoying life's pleasures, and maintaining a positive outlook despite the inherent uncertainties of the world.