"When I Was Older" is a song by Billie Eilish, inspired by the 2018 movie "Roma" directed by Alfonso Cuarón. The song reflects Billie's interpretation of the emotions and themes portrayed in the movie. The lyrics describe a shift in perspective from the past to the present. Billie reminisces about a time when she saw herself as a sailor, symbolizing freedom and adventure. However, she now feels trapped and overwhelmed, describing herself as being underwater with pale skin. This imagery suggests a sense of suffocation and a loss of vitality. Billie then expresses a longing for a time and place where she and a friend could remain close, even in the face of adversity. This desire to sustain a connection despite challenges is a recurring theme throughout the song. The chorus reflects on the fragility of relationships and how they can be pushed to their limits before being repaired. It highlights the vulnerability of bonds and how they can bend and break under pressure. Billie also touches upon feeling caught in the middle and being influenced by external factors that have affected her. She mentions being taught something and having it in her blood, indicating that her experiences have shaped her and left a lasting impact. Memories burn like fire and heavy rain turns everything to mud, symbolizing the destructive nature of her past and how it affects her present. The song continues with references to watching movies and being drawn to the complex characters and their stories. Billie implies a sense of isolation and loneliness, feeling misunderstood and searching for new experiences. As the song progresses, Billie explores the duality of her self-perception. She sees herself both as a victim and a villain, implying complex emotions and an internal struggle. These conflicting feelings contribute to her sense of loneliness and her struggle to find her place in the limelight. Overall, "When I Was Older" reflects on the shifts in perspective, the longing for connection, and the internal conflicts that Billie Eilish experiences. Inspired by the themes of the movie "Roma," the song delves into the complex emotions and yearning for understanding and authenticity.
