"Watching the Detectives" by Elvis Costello is a song that tells the story of a woman who is infatuated with a detective or investigator, and the dangers and violence that surround their world. The lyrics depict the woman's fascination with the detective and her involvement in the mysteries and crimes he investigates. The song opens by describing the woman as a perfect, "nice girl" who appears flawless. She is attracted to the detective and finds him cute. However, as the story progresses, it becomes clear that the detective's work involves violence and danger. The detectives mentioned in the song are portrayed as rough and aggressive, shown through the lines, "They beat him up until the teardrops start." Despite the violence directed towards the detective, he remains unaffected, symbolizing his lack of emotions and a heart. The lyrics also describe various scenes that reflect a gritty detective life, such as a "long shot of that jumping sign" and a "baby taking off her clothes." These visuals serve to create a dark and mysterious atmosphere. Costello also introduces the theme of fear and love, stating that fear is always present while love is temporary. The lyrics mention "instant justice," which implies a desire to act swiftly and decisively when someone crosses legal boundaries. The song takes an unexpected turn in the second half, discussing someone scratching at a window and detectives checking if the person belongs to parents who are worried about a missing daughter. This adds another layer of mystery and danger. In the end, Costello uses the phrase, "Just like watching the detectives" to suggest that the listeners themselves are participating in the narrative. The song serves as a commentary on voyeurism, the fascination with crime and danger, and the blurred line between reality and fiction often portrayed in detective stories. Overall, "Watching the Detectives" tells a story of obsession, violence, and intrigue, while also providing social commentary on the themes it explores.